Francesca asks me what colour throw to get for the sofa. My sister is coming tomorrow and we want it to look nice. I say pink. It is a joke.
Now we have a sofa that matches the colour of my hair when we first met. When I look at it my eyes hurt but at least it gives theroom some life.
I am not very good at not being serious. This is what people who know me think. In fact I am very good at not being serious. But I am also very good at being subtle so my humour almost always goes undetected.
To the outside world I am a tall half-German who doesn´t know vot funny is. In reality I am like Grenouille, the character in Patrick Süskind´s "Perfume", lying in caves in Southern France building imaginary worlds filled with witty one-liners, puns and ironic understatements, quietly biding my time concocting the worlds biggest joke that will have thousands laugh till their clothes fall off and they want to fornicate on the streets.
Tuesday, 23 January 2007
Cable TV
We have fewer friends here than in our respective homes and sometimes it is too hot to leave the house.
Luckily The Simpsons are on four times a day and all the major American film companies have their own dedicated networks.
Prison Break (series 2) is on on Fox but has too many ad breaks.
There are at least six sports channels. When Boca are playing and Maradona is watching, the camera is on him more than on the players on the field. He often keeps what looks like underage eye candy with him.
I have been told that Maradona is a metaphor for what is wrong with this country. When Maradona was on the national side he was so good there was no need to focus on or encourage any other players. This meant the team depended on him and of course he let them down by becoming an irate coke-addled drunk.
It is the same with soya beans: they are the star of the Argentinian export economy but are over-relied upon and thus a potential cause for not winning the World Cup.
Luckily The Simpsons are on four times a day and all the major American film companies have their own dedicated networks.
Prison Break (series 2) is on on Fox but has too many ad breaks.
There are at least six sports channels. When Boca are playing and Maradona is watching, the camera is on him more than on the players on the field. He often keeps what looks like underage eye candy with him.
I have been told that Maradona is a metaphor for what is wrong with this country. When Maradona was on the national side he was so good there was no need to focus on or encourage any other players. This meant the team depended on him and of course he let them down by becoming an irate coke-addled drunk.
It is the same with soya beans: they are the star of the Argentinian export economy but are over-relied upon and thus a potential cause for not winning the World Cup.
Saturday, 20 January 2007
A Walk in the Park
The small girl with dreadlocks who walks with us doesn´t want to say her name and later doesn´t say goodbye.
Attracted by what sounds like electric guitars sound-checking, we end up where the motorway goes past the airport. The electric guitars are airplanes which is ironic because later the real guitars are so loud we can´t hear the planes as they swoop just above the stage coming in to land.
The gig is only three blocks away but out here a block is a kilometre long. This means we miss most of the gig but it is free and there are twenty thousand people jumping up and down and singing along which is inevitably somewhat moving.
The band is called Catupecu Machu and by the time we get there they have stopped playing songs. Instead they play games with the audience involving bits of their favourites, arty atonal solos and a lot of E minor power chords.
We later drink Pepsi and have burping contests as we watch several thousand people walk towards the city in search of public transport. It is then that i decide that I want to be one of the people jumping up and down and singing along when Coldplay come here in February.
Attracted by what sounds like electric guitars sound-checking, we end up where the motorway goes past the airport. The electric guitars are airplanes which is ironic because later the real guitars are so loud we can´t hear the planes as they swoop just above the stage coming in to land.
The gig is only three blocks away but out here a block is a kilometre long. This means we miss most of the gig but it is free and there are twenty thousand people jumping up and down and singing along which is inevitably somewhat moving.
The band is called Catupecu Machu and by the time we get there they have stopped playing songs. Instead they play games with the audience involving bits of their favourites, arty atonal solos and a lot of E minor power chords.
We later drink Pepsi and have burping contests as we watch several thousand people walk towards the city in search of public transport. It is then that i decide that I want to be one of the people jumping up and down and singing along when Coldplay come here in February.
Sunday, 14 January 2007
Our House-Warming
For a change we are the hosts. Francesca makes stuffed avocadoes and I, nachoes like in The Forest. Too late I discover that the yoghurt I used for the tzatziki is sweet.
We eat off plastic plates on the floor as we have unsufficient bum space while Fere and Gustavo say interesting things about the Military Dictatorship.
Irene talks about the 2001 economic crisis and says they would sometimes turn up for demonstrations without knowing what they were demonstrating for. There were too many demonstrations and often the turnout was very low. Sometimes there were not enough people to carry the main banner.
Some people were also killed although not as many as in the Dictatorship. Fere knew someone who was shot in his apartment by the military government.
What in English is called The Falklands is called The Malvinas here and when the British navy arrived several weeks after war was declared, the Argentinian army gave up molesting women on the islands and military rule collapsed.
We eat off plastic plates on the floor as we have unsufficient bum space while Fere and Gustavo say interesting things about the Military Dictatorship.
Irene talks about the 2001 economic crisis and says they would sometimes turn up for demonstrations without knowing what they were demonstrating for. There were too many demonstrations and often the turnout was very low. Sometimes there were not enough people to carry the main banner.
Some people were also killed although not as many as in the Dictatorship. Fere knew someone who was shot in his apartment by the military government.
What in English is called The Falklands is called The Malvinas here and when the British navy arrived several weeks after war was declared, the Argentinian army gave up molesting women on the islands and military rule collapsed.
Wednesday, 3 January 2007
On Internet Cafés
There are a lot of them and they are full of kids. I have read that "cybers" are the new informal youth clubs where teenagers can hang for hours every day while they take turns playing internet computer games.
The one we go to there are some cheeky types who have to be violently kicked out every now and again. I think they say racist things to the Asian owner. He is big and has long hair and could be my age.
The one next door has no porn protection and I have seen people openly browsing sex sites for hours on end.
Ours is open 24 hours and is a nice place to go to to cool down late at night when we can´t have the air conditioning on anymore because of the noise.
The one we go to there are some cheeky types who have to be violently kicked out every now and again. I think they say racist things to the Asian owner. He is big and has long hair and could be my age.
The one next door has no porn protection and I have seen people openly browsing sex sites for hours on end.
Ours is open 24 hours and is a nice place to go to to cool down late at night when we can´t have the air conditioning on anymore because of the noise.
On Insects
Some of the bites look like flea bites but are in fact mosquito bites too. The mosquitoes know that we are foreigners and attack us more than people from here.
There are also cockroaches. Some are squashed on the pavement. Some are alive. There was one on the balcony at Isolina´s flat the other day. When you squash them their eggs hatch and there are more of them.
I don´t recommend lying in the grass. There will be crawling things in your hair, itches and bites for hours.
There are also cockroaches. Some are squashed on the pavement. Some are alive. There was one on the balcony at Isolina´s flat the other day. When you squash them their eggs hatch and there are more of them.
I don´t recommend lying in the grass. There will be crawling things in your hair, itches and bites for hours.
Tuesday, 2 January 2007
A Trip to San Isidro
The girl who tries to grab my bag is young and on the back of a motorbike. She says "give me your bag". This is on the way back from the beach.
The way to the beach is past 57 Yacht Clubs. Their beaches must be nice. The one we go to is tiny and full of rubbish. We can hardly see the sand for all the plastic bags. Still there are hundreds of people. They are doing barbecues and sitting on motorbikes amongst all the plastic.
The sea is warm and unrefreshing. The sun is invisible because of the humidity and the pollution. Only the young kids swim.
The people have dark skin and have come in big groups or families in old American Dodge pickups.
The motorbike thieves wait for us ahead. A family comes and we walk with them. We feel safer when we cross the railway lines on the way back to the centre.
The American girls on the train don´t have any mosquito bites. Maybe this is because they are very tanned. They are the only ones sitting on the floor. They are wearing tie-dyed clothes and are holding hands.
We are very hungry and our legs ache. It is cold. This is a good thing. We find out that Fugazza means with onion. We eat more cheese than in a week at home.
I can´t sleep or breathe because of the heat. I use a wet towel as a blanket.
In the end I have learnt two things: One, don´t cross the railway lines in San Isidro. Two, Europeans who think that being too hot is better than being too cold don´t know what they are talking about.
The way to the beach is past 57 Yacht Clubs. Their beaches must be nice. The one we go to is tiny and full of rubbish. We can hardly see the sand for all the plastic bags. Still there are hundreds of people. They are doing barbecues and sitting on motorbikes amongst all the plastic.
The sea is warm and unrefreshing. The sun is invisible because of the humidity and the pollution. Only the young kids swim.
The people have dark skin and have come in big groups or families in old American Dodge pickups.
The motorbike thieves wait for us ahead. A family comes and we walk with them. We feel safer when we cross the railway lines on the way back to the centre.
The American girls on the train don´t have any mosquito bites. Maybe this is because they are very tanned. They are the only ones sitting on the floor. They are wearing tie-dyed clothes and are holding hands.
We are very hungry and our legs ache. It is cold. This is a good thing. We find out that Fugazza means with onion. We eat more cheese than in a week at home.
I can´t sleep or breathe because of the heat. I use a wet towel as a blanket.
In the end I have learnt two things: One, don´t cross the railway lines in San Isidro. Two, Europeans who think that being too hot is better than being too cold don´t know what they are talking about.
The Price of Things
The price of meat is under state supervision and is less than that of fish or cheese.
The biggest and best-quality milk manufacturer is publicly-owned.
There are no non-seasonal fruits and vegetables as fruits and vegtables are not imported. Vegetables cost even less than meat.
The most expensive things are those to do with technology. Digital cameras cost twice to four times as much as in Europe.
Trains and buses cost half of the price of a bar of chocolate.
In Argentina, if you are poor, you can afford to eat good meat, buy fresh local vegetables and use public transport.
If you are poor in Britain you can eat chips, watch TV and wait for your heart attack.
The biggest and best-quality milk manufacturer is publicly-owned.
There are no non-seasonal fruits and vegetables as fruits and vegtables are not imported. Vegetables cost even less than meat.
The most expensive things are those to do with technology. Digital cameras cost twice to four times as much as in Europe.
Trains and buses cost half of the price of a bar of chocolate.
In Argentina, if you are poor, you can afford to eat good meat, buy fresh local vegetables and use public transport.
If you are poor in Britain you can eat chips, watch TV and wait for your heart attack.
On Being an Ethical Consumer
All the coffee from the supermarket that we have tried except Nestle tastes rubbish. We also buy Nestle water as all the other ones taste bad. The sugar is from plants in the North that exploit indigenous communities.
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